Saturday, October 27, 2007

just saw my brother's report book just now...
he did extremely well & i am very proud of him
but somehow or rather i did not just feel happy for him
i felt jealous of him & was utterly ashamed of myself
out of 10 subjects,
my brother scored 8 A1s & 2 B4s for his fye
he is the 11th in the whole school...
never before in my entire life have i had this kind of results
somehow no matter what, i would still have at least 1 C.
hais...i feel so inferior to him
so what if i can speak better? so what if i got into JC?
i barely made it into JC & now? ha-ha i might be leaving.
hais i asked my dad, what IF i have to retain JC1
he didn't answer me at first...but
i could see from his eyes that he was disappointed.
its like i could hear him saying:
"Vivian, what happen? why like this again?"
instead he finally said: "see how first lor."
i am so afraid of telling him my marks...
i am so afraid to see his sad & disappointed face
i am so afraid of how he would feel,
when my aunt tells him how well her children has done
i am so afraid to be a failure & a disgrace in his eyes.

i want so much to do my family proud...
but apparently i have not done so...
i was never good in my studies...
i don't have any great achievements in my life
the only good thing that has happen is that,
i fulfilled one of his wishes....i got into JC
but does it even count? since i might have to get expelled?


frustration & sadness fills me...
bleeding...
maybe.....i should never have been born here.
a distance away from everything.transparent

Friday, October 26, 2007

**WARNING!!! LONG POST FULL OF PICTURES COMING...


20 Oct, Saturday:
MY 17th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
WHOOO~
held a Birthday Party at My House.
had invited many people...abt 40+? maybe?
hahas my house became so full la...first time
anyway wanna say a big THANK YOU! to those who came
& for the presents u guys gave too! =)))
those who couldn't make it...its ok...i forgive u =)))
anw here are some pics...didn't take much cause i was too busy =x
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my Family =)))
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my Class --> 07S12!!!!! =D
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PJC Hope church, Caregroup. =)))
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teamSYPHORS. Cheerleaders! =)))
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my prince&princess! =)))
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PRESENTS!!!!! cookies were baked by Janice, Keline & Sarah =)
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this is drawn by my cutie, PrincessGlenda =D
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what i wore for my Bday xD
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haha took lots of zi-lian pics...my Birthday mars
do forgive me if it cause ur som to lag =Pp
(*mind u, there is no photoshop!) =)
i LOVE this day to the Max!!!!!!! =DDDDDDDD


21 Oct, Sunday:
had my 2nd Birthday Party at East Coast Park
this party is a combine party with ah Chien
as she is Younger! then me 2 days...hehes
i didn't do much this time...sorry ah Chien!
u & ur friends had to do all the work.
anw, the party was erms quite successful bahs. =))
just abit expensive nia =(
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Birthday Girls!! Rainee & Vivian =)))
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Couples =Pp
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all girls gather =))) yay!
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my Sisters! =)) weets~
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random-ness
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they are real sisters. Kim & Nicole(babes) =))
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Yanti is HOT! Rebekah is SWEET!
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as for me? think i can go fly kite le la lols
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what i wore there...love the shawl! =)
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PRESENTS AGAIN!! (haha ok some is from 1st party ppl)

The last week with 07S12:
during this past week, i have been spending alot of time with S12
reason being that we are to disband soon T.T
its really hard to let go of the strong friendships we have formed
yet i know i will NEVER forget them...
during the 8 months spent in PJC,
it can be said as the MOST STRESSING, MOST UPSETTING time
of my life...so far
but what kept me going was my close Sisters & Brothers in S12
we have gone through so much tgt...
both hardships(being discriminated, look down on, being bias against...etc)
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& fun occasions(won 2nd in inter-house, Kbox, Pool, Beach, pon-ing lessons =p)
& of course going crazy with one another!! xD
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this is Fang Yi acting toot. hahas too bad its abit blur
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rapping Aaron lols
(got more...but its not with me now.)
yet we have to separate now?! hais!
really can't bear to leave them...even if i were to choose all over again
i would still change my combi, & go to S12!!!! no regrets!!!!!
thus, i will try my best to persuade the principle
if possible* to let us
promote tgt!!!!!
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I LOVE 07S12 FOREVER!!!!!!!!!
07S12 RAWKS MY WORLD!!!!!!!!
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my ClassManager. Jessica!
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my dearest Ge Zi! =)
using the $1 bag he bought for Ms Fam lols
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the Girl Clique.
Cerlyn, Catherine, Jessica, Hazel, Me, Shelia&Huda(whose not here)
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the Guy Clique.
Aaron, Jia Hao, Deep, Yong Le, Fang Yi, Derek(whose also missing)
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the Apple strudel i shared with Aaron at Rail Mall. =))
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the brownies that Ms Fam baked by herself for us! =D
yummmyyyy!!!
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the cute sweet keane bought.
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the creative drawing of Huda's on my hand
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the cookies that i baked for last day's POT LUCK!
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the food that we had.
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chiong ahhh! lols
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Ms Kat bought a yummy cake to celebrate
the Oct,Nov & Dec babies Birthday =D
yay!!!!! hahahas 2nd & a half Birthday for me! whoooo~
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wish.
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blow.
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cut.
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CHEERS FOR S12!!!!!!!! whoooo~
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watching the special video cerlyn & keane made for the class
it was very touching...some of us teared. =(
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me n funky was being ianored. =(
(lololol my hair!! ahhh!!)
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see proof!! they never wait for us =(
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heng* we rushed there in time.
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cheesee~
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Ms Fam. we LOVE u too!! =)
ok...WARNING*
the pictures coming now...might be disturbing for some.
hahahas do forgive us...
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OMG!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEKS!!!!!!!! hahas no la. jkjk not this one.
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ok its coming...get ready!
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sexually abused victim ONE.
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sexually abused victim TWO.
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disturbed* people must stick tgt. lols
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look closely at Fang Yi & Yong Le.
VERY WRONG rights? tsk tsk* Two Gays!!! xD
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Ge Zi & Mei Zi FOREVER! =))
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ok this is a very stupid picture. hahas
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Tricked u!!! hahas don't jump when he jumps.
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up, down, up, down
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after taking crazy pictures...
we, deprived ones went on to play PEPSI COLA 1 2 3 in class lololol
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eh! it was funny & FUN ok? hahas
got 2 very wrong pictures some more...hahahahas
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thats what happens when the crazy S12 get tgt to play a crazy game.
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last day Dinner @ Lot1
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Yong Le's photo skills quite LOUSY!! lols
its either he take himself only or take us only =.=
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finally! a nice pic.
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breath-taking skies & a big bright moon
to top of a Special Day!
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The SPIRT OF 07S12 will LEAVE ON FOREVER!!!


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