have really contradicting moments today.

guess what? everything i said in my previous post was true!

my dad really thinks* i am a disappointment to him

*no wait...he KNOWS I AM A FAILURE IN HIS EYES!

wanted to go dance classes today...

but guess what he went back on his word & said NO!

he said: "why should i let u go?"

"it will only be a waste of my money..."

i said: "then why does he(my bro) gets to buy his toys & games he want?"

"isn't that more wasting? at least i go LEARN smth leh"

"what in the world do they learn la?!"

he said: "at least they DESERVED it."

"u ALWAYS DISAPPOINT me"

"NEVER have u done anything to let us be PROUD of u before"

*mind u these were his EXACT WORDS.

NEVER WILL I FORGET THEM.

when i heard those words come out from his mouth...

tears flooded my eyes...i so wanted to CRY

as what he said IS TRUE. i know its true

i so wanted to storm out saying that i don't wanna care anymore

i'm gonna leave...gonna do everything with or without his consent

but i held everything back...i carry on debating my views

but the 'conversation' with him just got more & more

PERSONAL & EMOTIONAL...

i CRIED my f**k ass out.

he had CUT me deep...my own father...

he had went back on his word*...my own father...

he said i could learn dancing during the holidays...but now leh?

seriously...no matter what i do...it WILL NEVER be good enough for u

my greatest achievement so far was to get into JC

but even so...were u even happy for me?

NO lors! u DIDN'T even congratulate me...u DIDN'T even smile.

i know...its because the JC i'm in is NOT well-known

NOT as GOOD as St Andrew JC...

the college where BOTH my STRAIGHT 'As' COUSINS are in now.

but still...have u even think for a moment that YOUR DAUGHTER did TRY.

that YOUR DAUGHTER had only gone into JC because its YOUR WISH.

T.T T.T T.T T.T

in the end i got to go for the dance class...

because i BEGGED! *yes, i shall repeat...i BEGGED
i am NOT EXAGGERATING...i really CRIED & BEGGED him...

can't believe i'm saying this but...

i seriously feel HAPPIER OUTSIDE
then i can ever be at 'HOME'...

to my dear friends...never say i'm lucky because of where i stay again

theres NOTHING great about staying there...as i am not accpeted there

as in there...i am NOTHING BUT A FAILURE...

someone who is not even worth to pursue her interest...

someone who is just the BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT...

someone who has to BEG for every LITTLE THING...

come to think of it...NEVER once had my DAD approve of what i want...

his approval has to always come AFTER my begging...

i always had to say "please let me go..."

even if i just want to watch a movie

this is how sad my life can be...hidden beneath a smile.

money can NEVER be used to measure one's TRUE HAPPINESS.

PARENTS are also NOT ALWAYS one's SUPPORT TOWER.

I HATE MY LIFE.

other then that...today was pretty ok...

Hazlyn, Lavie, Saffiah & Chuan yuan came to my house for PW

at 9+ in the morning...was so tired la...

didn't bother to change into presentable clothes

therefore was looking terribly ugly! =(

anw Hazlyn, Lavie & i took some pics...

started with them cam-whoring with my fone...in my hse...lols

she loves my fone... =)))

i joined in...& we begain acting like our ECs! =Pp

emo kids turn crazy-laugh-laugh kids. xD

my famous pose! =D

retarded me with lavie behind...

just retarded hazlyn. =p

strong my ass...hahahas

ahem* no words...lols

dun really like this pic =(

taken using Hazlyn's fone...nice? =Pp

ok last but not least...

this is the normal me =)))

this is me ACTING* ah-lian...lololol

& this is crazy//stupid me...hahahas

Hip-Hop lessons were tiring but really FUN! =)

so glad i went...

guess the only thing about life i can love now...

is MY FRIENDS!! & my Boyfriend.

& of course...JESUS!

-END-